change begins, emotions ensue

I'm feeling in a bit of a nostalgic mood tonight. It's mostly because I'm realizing that this phase of my life is coming to an end VERY quickly. I'm graduating from college in three weeks. WHAT?!?! I have to become an adult now? Hmm, there are mixed feelings about that. A few things on my to do lists within the next couple...Join the real world and search for a job, learn to be a good wife, move--to a city (something I've never done before), and the one that I'm having the hardest time with right now, leave the comfort of a community of amazing friends. These thoughts are all added to end of the school year stress (i'm supposed to be writing a research paper right now) and wedding plans. How I've dealing dealing with all of this over the last couple of days: crying. Not the i'm-panicking-and-don't-know-how-to-handle-life-right-now type of crying, it's more of an i'm-sad-this-is-ending-and-this-is-how-my-body-reacts-to-any-type-of-emotional-stimulus kind.

I feel change very deeply. I love what is predictable and routine. For example, I was in a funk for a couple of weeks when I moved across campus my sophomore year. And I was joining a hall with about 10 of my dearest friends and only moving about a 3 minute walk from my old residence hall for goodness sake! I have full confidence that what is to come in my life will be so good! I'm really looking forward to the next phase! But I am realizing that I sort of have to grieve what I'm leaving behind. Again, not wallowing in sadness, but instead I need to mentally process the change and think back on the past few years so that I can experience closure and move on from here.

Sidenote--This is one of the reasons I find it so hard to journal or blog consistently, I feel like I need to explain background on what I'm thinking/doing before I get to the actual thoughts/feelings/actions. Oh well. But here are of few of those anyway...

• I have been blessed beyond measure being able to be at JBU these last four years. I am relational, so mainly I mean relationally. It's also been through challenging my thoughts and beliefs. I've learned academically, theologically, and about myself.
  
• I'm ready to leave. Although I love it here, I can't and don't want to stay longer. I find myself growing restless in this stage and see more of a gap between myself and freshmen all of the time. This is what I've been preparing for and that's exciting!
• I am thrilled at the thought of seeing my amazing, beautiful, and talented friends (including the fiance) get to use their talents and abilities in the real world. Thinking of the possibilities of how God will use each of them is way more exciting to me right now than thinking about my own personal future! Seriously, I hope that anyone who reads this gets the chance to know some of my unique and incredible friends.
  
• As my wonderful fiance asked me about last night, I am fully confident in God's provisions for my future and all of my needs.

In that last thought I find rest. The emotions are not ending, but here I have peace.